"We'll Never Have Paris" was aspiring to be an old-fashioned romantic comedy that is often called "screwball" comedy. Unfortunately, the film wasn't funny, and the main problem was the lack of chemistry between the two romantic leads.

From the outset, Quinn and Devon seemed completely incompatible. He was a shy jazz musician and florist. She was a university professor. Quinn's main problem was getting up the gumption to propose to Devon. They were high school sweethearts who have now lived together for years. Yet through it all, they apparently have never discussed the topic of marriage. The filmmakers fail to squeeze any comic mileage out of this stupid situation.

The film begins with Quinn being diagnosed with an eye condition. But Quinn's problems go well beyond his eyes. He is a terrible communicator and is always putting his foot in his mouth. As Devon observes, "Your idea of self-deprecation is everybody else's idea of narcissism."

Apart from Devon's snappy line above, the dialogue was not very humorous. There was even a tacky joke made about 9/11. Devon's love of Flaubert and sophisticated culture made her a perfect fit for the French violinist Guillaume, whom she meets in Paris.

The characters in this film were poorly developed, serving as placeholders rather than actual human beings. For example, in Quinn's brief romance with Kelsey, it was never clear what exactly Kelsey, Quinn's co-worker in the flower shop, ever saw in Quinn to try to disrupt his relationship with Devon.

Devon's attempt to escape to Paris is thwarted when Quinn follows her to try to "win her back." But was never clear how Quinn actually does win Devon back. There was no attempt to portray the aftermath of the Paris scenes and why Devon did not marry Guillaume.

Overall, the film was embarrassing as a comedy, as the jokes were flat, the situations were implausible, and the characters never really connected. Yet, somehow, this film was "inspired by real events." In the making of "We'll Never Have Paris," something went terribly wrong in the translation of life into art.

Quinn (Simon Helberg, writer, director) is almost dysfunctional from his phobias and not as funny as Bill Murray in "What About Bob?" He wants to propose to Devon (Melanie Lynskey) a college professor and girlfriend of 10 years. They go back to High School. However, whenever the moment is upon them, she must leave. Quinn works in a flower shop and confides his plan to Kelsy (Maggie Grace) his hot long time friend. At this point she informs Quinn of her love for him and desire to do the nasty. This sets off a downward and ruinous spiral as Quinn attempts to win back the love of his pathetic life, not knowing when to speak or when to shut up.

Quinn, our protagonist was basically unlikable. He is a man with flaws on top of his flaws. It is as if someone explained to Simon Helberg what a Woody Allen movie was like and he attempted to create one without ever seeing one and on half the intellect. This is a different type of romantic comedy that doesn't feel like a romantic comedy but more like a tragedy. It will certainly attract some die hard indie fans, but I am not one of them.

Guide: F-bomb, sex, no nudity.

This is one of the worst movies I've ever watched and I'll never get those hours back. If this is what Simon's work is like, he needs to stick to just acting and playing the piano, which he does best. Really crappy movie!