"Transformers: The Last Knight," the dreaded fifth movie in the
Transformers series is supposedly the last to be directed by Michael
Bay and the last to star Mark Wahlberg. Wahlberg plays his character
Cade from the previous one. The "attempt" at a plot for this movie goes
something like this: Cade comes into possession of an ancient
Transformers artifact called the Talisman and he is the "chosen one" to
carry out a "quest" for the transformers, while this chick named Vivian
has to acquire Merlin's "staff" because for some reason she is the
"only one who can wield it" and Optimus Prime heads to Cybertron to
find out "where he and the transformers came from and what they're
doing on earth." THAT'S this movie's plot. Lol this movie thinks it has
This movie is completely incapable of telling a cohesive story. There
is no beginning, middle, or end. It throws plot threads at you and
expects you to roll with them. The most illogical plot devices occur in
this movie. NOTHING makes any sense. It is so convoluted that the movie
thinks the audience are idiots. How many times was I reminded of what
the plot was throughout the entirety of this atrocity? I counted at
least 32. Nothing of importance happens. Nothing is interesting,
nothing is entertaining.
The characters are so thinly written and poorly developed I didn't care
who lived and who died. At this point in the series, I DON'T CARE ABOUT
THE DAMN HUMANS! Just give us a movie about Transformers, not about
humans. None of them are likable AT ALL. Everything involving the
military, the government, Anthony Hopkins, it's all pointless! The
movie spends so much time and energy on all the stuff everyone
complains about with these movies that none of it comes across as not
appealing, but rather annoying. It's an insult to our intelligence.
The action scenes are the same lazy action scenes the other four
Transformers movies feature. It's stuff that appeals only to teenagers
who do not know how a movie is crafted. Teenagers like action and
explosions and no talking, story, characters, or emotion. This movie
appeals to those teenagers. There I said it again. Watching stuff just
blow up and blow up and blow up and blow up and blow up and blow up
continuously for two and half hours is extremely boring, especially
since it's the only thing that has happened for five Transformers
movies in a row. There is no entertainment value to be had just
watching stuff blow up for a bloated and overlong runtime.
And yes, the runtime is too long, YET AGAIN. Luckily, it is shorter
than the fourth one which was a very drab and dreary two hours and
forty-five minutes. This is about fifteen minutes shorter, but it
easily could have been an hour shorter. Nothing content wise justifies
the runtime of this monstrosity. It's still overstuffed, overlong,
dreary, boring, and exhausting, just like the previous three. I'll give
the first one a pass since I actually enjoy the first one.
This has all the Bay-isms in it. The typical stereotypes, the typical
humor, and the typical dialogue, all of which is stupid, offensive, and
insulting. S many characters are made fun of in this movie for being
different or having different accents you thoroughly understand why
NOBDOY LIKES MICHAEL BAY. He is racist, sexist, and doesn't care about
the audience. He cares only about himself and no one else. It shows.
The two girls in this movie, in typical Michael Bay fashion, are all
hotted out. The young girl is like 14. In what world is this right? Her
tits just hang out the entire movie. The other chick just looks like a
porn star. That's what this series has come down to folks, strippers
and porn stars!
Optimus Prime is literally in the movie for ten minutes to just say his
name three times so that we don't forget about him and who he is and
completely forget that this movie gives him the most sudden shift in
character motivation I have ever seen, more sudden than Batman in
Batman V Superman. If you came to see him wreck house, he is a total
waste in this movie. Quite frankly, none of the Transformers really don
anything in this movie. They all just kind of hang out and chill and
insult each other with stereotypes.
This is one of the worst of the year. I felt like I lost IQ points
watching this movie. It is a loud, dumb, idiotic, incoherent, chaotic,
soulless mess that appeals only to teenagers who like nothing but
action and explosions and die hard fans of the series. It is worse than
Age of Extinction.
I'm just gonna give "Transformers: The Last Knight" an F-. Yes that is
now officially a grade.