So, I started to watch this movie despite the mostly negative reviews and despite the fact, that the film makers could not afford one more "e" (sure, because then they would get copyright trouble with Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz, right?), because I am really into Found Footage movies, I have time during work to watch videos (no worries, still getting my work done - 2 screens are nice to have ;-) ), and I heard other reviewers talking about the "hot girl" in the female lead role. Well, enough for me as a dude to give it a shot, I have nothing to lose in this, while sometimes even movies, that get reviewed very badly, can still fit my taste.
I wanted to shut down the TV, unplug it, burn it and throw it out of the window after my first glimpse on the female lead. In which universe is she hot, or even attractive? She is butt ugly, dudes, and that artificial blonde looks horrible, she is clearly a dark haired girl in real life ! I thought to myself then "well, maybe she is super smart and sophisticated". Then I saw her run like a drunk cow with front legs amputated in the first minute of the movie. So what, she can't even move nicely? So she is ugly AND not able do move decently. She will be a super sex bomb for sure...*sigh* Well, I told myself to get over it (she can at least be super kinky later, or a nice, funny person or something, right?) and continued watching. I mean, if she is hot or not will surely not be the one thing deciding about if the movie is good or not, isn't it?...(yeah, keep telling that to yourself, pervert....)
Another 10 minutes and some very unspectacular, female nudity (she basically looks like a boy who tries his best to avoid the sun at all costs...) later the viewer is somewhat smarter. She is annoying, self obsessed and and obnoxious. Basically her friend (whom we only know by hearing his voice - as the camera guy he is never shown) doesn't want to participate in anything she suggests and clearly expresses that - but she does not care at all and just keeps doing whatever she wants, including...well, nasty stuff, in which he as her boyfriend should indeed have an opinion. Well, he has, but for the female lead only her own decisions matter. Good point about that? I really wished she will die, slowly and painfully. But the beginning of the movie makes very clear, that not even this little, harmless wish was about to come true...oh boy... Her BF probably likes it a lot to bone her, so he does whatever she wants to, and if he can't get anything better than her...well....go with it, buddy, poor buddy. So, one of her oh so funny ideas includes how they end up in that rotten, left hospital (which basically is in ruins, but of course with full electricity and water supply, including fully working observation cameras. Neat-o !), where the "story" (m-hmmmmm) mainly happens.
Boy, after that annoying, boring exposition I really could use some decent Grave Encounters style haunting horror now ! And hey, you will get like 2 seconds of that.
After that, a new couple comes in. And hey, believe it or not, this couple had in 2 surprises for me. 1. Finally a really hot girl, yay ! 2. Oh gosh, the guy from that couple is even more annoying than the female lead. I wanted him to die like, immediately and permanently ! He reminded me for "Keamy" from "LOST"; but that's another dude. This one here was "Martin" in 4 episodes of The Walking Dead.
Thank god they return to the empty hospital for nasty stuff, because of course there is no sexier place in the city than dirty smelly ruins, right?
To make things exciting, an embarrassing try to build up something that reminds for a backstory is executed. It does not work, but we learn to hate the female lead just that little bit more to agree that she deserves absolutely anything coming her way. Poor boyfriend - he is pretty much a nice, caring person. The backstory is mainly about some hospital patients who got lobotomies. Sure, this is usual in regular hospitals. "Hey, can I have some more sedative, please?" "LOBOTOMY!" "Hey, i needa pee!" "LOBOTOMY!" But it would indeed explain, why the female lead Jill is such a braindead person.
Fun fact: when finally, FINALLY, something happens - Adam, the film and boning loving boyfriend stays so cool and calm, as he should have been while telling Jill to gtfo and leave him alone forever. Jill stays unlikable, don't worry.
It's not even spoiling (since this movie has NO story at all and thus nothing to spoil) that the events in the end of the movie are watched by Adam through the miraculously working observation cameras. But he never keeps watching - in between he always switches to empty rooms. Why? Why?? That makes NO sense at all !? Ah well, this movie is an utter mess. I waited some seconds for an obvious scene, in which the oh so possessed girl will notice she is getting observed and will look in a demonic way into the camera. Ah, there. Close up, and noooow she looks right to him. Of course. Why leave any stereotype out of this, right? That's all that is left anyways.
The movie ends with a ridiculous out-of-place scene and this finally has ended.
No story, ridiculously bad acting, bad effects, unlikable characters - can I recommend it?
Action / Horror
Action / Horror
Jill's an artist. Adam's a filmmaker. And their love life is off the chain. There's no experience too wild, no dare too dangerous -- not even when Jill lets Adam strap her to a gurney in the abandoned hospital they're scoping out for their next art show. But he shouldn't have left her alone. Not even as a joke. Now, Jill's hookup with horror has awakened something in that place. Something with a lust for more than flesh.
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June 29, 2014 at 04:59 AM