1. It never rains in Washington State. Ever.
2. While it may seem like a good idea at the time to challenge someone older, double your size and obviously a marine, you might want to think twice when that someone has also played the god, Thor.
3. North Korea certainly picked the most opportune time to invade: every single United States Military Member was either on vacation or retired.
4. Hemsworth seems to like visiting cabins in the woods in 2012. Sadly, this one didn't pan out for him like the last one.
5. While escaping a North Korean concentration camp bent on converting Americans to their lifestyle, it is necessary to run with a randomly and implausibly available American flag to show patriotism in a film that states America abandons its citizens at the first sign of trouble.
6. One U.S. missile is used to shoot down just one of the thousands of invading planes and a solitary cop car is on the rescue. Why am I paying taxes again?
7. Planes flying overhead and troops parachuting down somehow, and miraculously, simulate earthquake tremors that wake our heroes.
8. Incredibly, rabbit ears still work. And, if you believe that lie, listen to the news.
9. Daryl, played by Conner "Tom" Cruise, has a black father. That's gotta raise some questions.
10. An Independence Day speech about "home" does not hold up today.
11. One "asshole and his buddy" can easily take off with all the food that would feed a dozen kids, indefinitely, while the North Koreans set up shop.
12. After ruthlessly invading another country and telling its citizens they are there to install morals, somehow people listen. If only it weren't for those meddling kids
13. When in seclusion in a mine shaft, cellphone batteries last for weeks, while my own needs charging every couple of hours.
14. Silently leaving to go grab a beer can be as deadly as crying out: "I'll be riiiiight back."
15. When one resistance member causes the death of another to save his ungrateful, useless and blonde girlfriend he calls "family," all is forgiven by the fallen's girlfriend with a simple, two-finger peace sign.
16. And, it's socially acceptable to abandon and endanger the rest of the victims on a makeshift prison bus to rescue said dumb blonde, as long as it's all about "true love."
17. Cramming an entire season of Walking Dead and Falling Skies into one 90-minute movie makes you wish for an invasion of any kind.
18. Getting shot in the stomach and leaving the bullet intact can't possibly lead to anything bad.
19. Hotwiring cars is a snap in movies.
20. Tossing trash cans blindly over a fence will always produce the desired car alarm distraction.
21. When no one notices two "terrorists" leaving a business, it's reasonable to assume the invaders will automatically find the culprit who aided their escape
22. And when the bad guys do locate that person and stage a public execution, it's further plausible that our heroes will know the exact location of the killing and thwart the assassination in perfect harmony.
23. Subway® restaurants stay fresh while America is invaded.
24. When robbing said Subway® restaurant, combining all fountain drinks into one bucket that's probably used to either mop the floor or gather the puke of unsatisfied Subway® customers, makes soldiers smile instead of puke, themselves.
25. Thinking of luring those North Korean soldiers into an alleyway for an amateur ambush? Fear not: no one for a mile will hear you discharge multiple machine guns. In an echoing alley. With more guards nearby.
26. Trying to remove a truck out of mud? It's always best to have the strongest behind the wheel while the weaklings push.
27. Hating kids that are able to blindly leap down three stories and not die by either the fall or two armed guards at their descent is supposed to be funny. I guess.
28. Aimlessly wandering and retired military men fill the damnedest of plot holes. Unsuccessfully, but still.
29. If Tom Cruise believes "it worked for Will Smith" when he also attempted to make his own son a star in Red Dawn, he's probably just jumping on another couch.
30. An EMP can apparently shut down not only the country's entire electrical system, but also the whole U.S. government, armed forces, police, firemen, ambulances, backup systems, 911, missiles, defenses and satellites over a thousand miles up. But, it has no effect on cars, radios or radio stations.
31. Also, in time, electronics come back online, but all the satellites seem to have drifted off to some neighboring galaxy. I suppose.
32. Without explanation, other than to hurry up the movie, a villain can produce the exact location of the heroes' hideout without satellites, scouts, intel or previous plot-hole characters directing them.
33. Remaking a cult-hit takes balls. Admitting defeat = iron balls.
34. North Korean's fully gassed military vehicles can be folded nicely into soldier's backpacks and used, instantaneously, when they land.
35. Adding Shia LaBeouf's signature line, "Go!Go!Go!" to your script makes one almost want to press stop and plug in Transformers. Almost.
36. When selecting a rebellion name, one shouldn't pick their own obvious school mascot when trying to avoid detection. Especially when it takes 15 minutes to spray-paint the name on a wall.
37. "Killing the lights" in an isolated cabin in no way makes the place suspicious to the enemy.
38. Ending a chaotic and clichéd climax inside the very work cubicle of the two main character's murdered father, isn't just lazy and predictable, it's sad and inadvertently, hilarious.
39. Hawkeye Pierce would've solved this crisis in less than a 2-parter episode. After a few martinis, of course.
Action / Sci-Fi / Thriller / War
Action / Sci-Fi / Thriller / War
The city of Spokane, Washington is awakened by a North Korean paratrooper invasion. Marine Corps veteran Jed Eckert and his civilian brother, Matt, escape with a group of friends to an isolated cabin in the woods, where they witness the execution of their father at the hands of the ruthless Captain Cho. The brothers unite with their friends to form a guerrilla resistance group--the Wolverines--to drive the invaders from their home.
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February 26, 2013 at 03:29 PM